Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
