Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
