it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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