Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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