90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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