Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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