His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize