I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
