Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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