Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize