Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
