Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
