Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
