Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
