Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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