she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize