kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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