Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
