THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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