His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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