i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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