listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
