she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
