get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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