$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize