Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize