youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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