i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
