I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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