I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have fence marks all over my body
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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