paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
