Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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