I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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