I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
