I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
