i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
