my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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