So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize