Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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