so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
