Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Liz is crying about burritos again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize