things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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