No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
