You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
