I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
