We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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