My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize