He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
