I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
