I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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