Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think my nap took me to another dimension
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
