All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
