Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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