Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
