i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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