The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
