Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
