super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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