i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize