So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
