her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
