i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
