his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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