Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
