sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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