my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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