How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize