when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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