she was so not down for the gang bang
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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