Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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