It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
