My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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