Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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