im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
