3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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