god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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