im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize