yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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