Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize