shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
