I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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