Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
