Can Purell be used as lube?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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