So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
