I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
did i walk over a car last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize