I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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