You made me cry and you don't even care
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is the high leading the old right now
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
