i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
